i love

chiptune.

savvy?

hullo.

i just realised i haven't written anything in over 9000 years. i haven't dailyboothed for a few weeks either. i'm disappointed in myself. 

i''m supposed to be writing an essay on The Crucible right now, which i haven't even got half way through yet. and it's in for tomorrow. but i'm putting it off.

i only have 45 minutes til i have to go get ready for work, not much point is there? oh, new job by the way, i'll write about it later though as i cba.

oh, but i love planning ahead. 

what i'm wearing anyway. ;)

this, i'm sure, wont be interesting but it's something to do instead of essaying..

just a heads up ;)

tonight (work); h&m skirt. black tights. DINOmite shirt. grey leopard print cardigan. topshop shoes.

tomorrow (only half day so town and cinema); h&m skirt. tooty fruity bbycks we are the club kids shirt. navy h&m cardigan. topshop shoes. black tights.

saturday (walking to the beach with a picnic and spending the day there); dolly shoes of some kind. leggings. new look skirt. purple vest. green cardigan.

monday (exeter.); black tights. topshop shoes. camo skirt. grey vest. blue and white cardigan.

i also decided on a list of things i want out of the grindstore catalogue (the one that comes with Kerrang! which i don't usually buy, as most of my money goes into h&m and topshop apparently...

but ymas were on the front cover and i like josh and max's faces so i had to buy it)

let's list, yaaaaaaaay.

dot heart hoodie (reminds me of henry homesweet)

miami ink pink swallow tee

neon green wayfarers

white swallow necklaces

bleeding love necklace

bourbon biscuit necklace (nom nom nom)

swallow necklace (apparently i like swallows?)

barbie compact mirror

burial twist back tank by iron fist

we are 138 tee by iron fist

pony hoax platforms (not that i can walk in heels, but they are booooooooom.)

famous lucks chance tee

rock steady geisha love tee

rock steady sweet pea stripe top

paint the stars super fun time unicorn tee

and a kings of leon poster.

so yeah, if anyones feeling generous at all...?

gahhh, now it's five and i start work at six.

no way ima be able to do this essay nowwwwwwwwwwwww ;)

my computers being a fucking dick aswell.

'..and it can be unsettling to hear yourself describe as you have thought of yourself in your most honest and  abject moods, just as it is humbling to hear what you have thought about in your most hopeful and unrealistic moments.'

first impression

So bored.

Here are the first line from 25 songs, tell me what songs they are :)

1 - I hope you hang yourself with your h&m scarf, whilst jacking off listening to Mozart.

2 - C-C-C-Cinamon lips and candy kissed on my tongue.

3 - I'm sipping coffee at a quarter to two.

4 - Can't get the stink out, it's been hanging round for days.

5 - I've got a bad feeling that I went and got dirt on your knees.

6 - Glamorous indie rock and roll is what I want.

7 - I wont stand in your way.

8 - You got your popstar, I'll be your rockstar, when it's a suicide you call it superstar.

9 - Let it go, there's no way you can save it now.

10 - With a long range weapon or a suicide bomber.

11 - Face down, this is where it leads you, too far.

12 - Baby can't you see, I'm calling, a guy like you should wear a warning.

13 - Now there Mardy Bum, I've seen your frown and it's like looking down the barrel of a  gun.

14 - You've seen me last night, working the room, (?)

15 - I'm not loving you the way I wanted to.

16 - A green plastic can for a fake chinese rubber plant.

17 - I heard you're a stranger to playing funny games, I heard you got all the boys numbers and names.

18 - It's 2.45 the baby takes it's first breath, the mother never knew he only had a few left.

19 - I'm in love with the girl I hate, she enjoys pointing out every bad thing about me.

20 - Can't you see he's the man, let me hear you applaud, he is more than a man he's a shiny golden god.

21 - I said you can have whatever you like, I said you can have whatever you like, yeahh.

22 - Just incase they're wondering, they've got us {something} terribly.

23 -  Times are strange, we've got a free upgrade for snakes on a plan, fuck 'em I don't care.

24 - She said I'm Rosie, I said I thought you were Lucy, she said I'm Rosie I told you so.

25 - The first day I saw her was at the train station, she was half black, half caucasian.

:))))))

i fucked up

psyche, i'm kidding again you idiot, no i didn't,

that's just what you wanted to hear from me,

that i fucked up, ain't it?

 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

-

you don't give a shit about me, do you?

you don't care that i could have died that night.

that anything could of happened to me

but you just left me practically all on my own.

i was a state

you can't have thought i'd be able to look after myself.

i was in no condition to be given any kind of responsibility

let alone the responsibility

of finding my way home on my own.

i don't remember anything.

you could be taking advantage of that fact.

you took advantage of me

and the state i was in

you... i don't know the words to describe you

i feel sick just to think about it.

i hate you, i think.

i now realise that all of you

bar one, don't give a fuck about me

you just care about yourself

and saving yourself from getting into trouble

i don't think you even thought twice about me

you just walked away

left me lying there.

you're selfish.

i'm glad i have my real friends

the loyal ones who wouldn't have left me

they would have been there

they would have done the right thing

and called someone

like i'm glad that one person did

and now you have the nerve to call her a stupid bitch

for the fact that she called my mum? 

it all just boils back down to the fact 

that you're selfish and you only care about yourselves.

you wouldn't have cared what happened to me

as long as you were safe and sound and came across as the innocent ones.

you made up a lie.

a twisted, unbelievably tabgled web of, basically,

bull shit. just so you seemed the good guys,

so you were in the clear. i was the one who the blame should fall on

it was all my fault. you couldn't stop me.

but that's the thing that hurts the most.

you could have stopped me.

you could of, if you had cared, stopped me from doing

the stupid and just plain wrong things you tell me about doing

you're laughing at me, the next day, you're telling me what i did

and you're laughing

and i'm thinking,

what if it had been you? would you want this?

wouldn't you expect your so called friends to stop you

when you're about to do something so horrible

and so out of charector for me.

i'm upset just thinking about it.

and you.

i don't know what to say about you,

other than i think you're pathetic.

you were so wrong

and so out of order it's unreal.

you were taking advantage,

no matter what you say. 

you cannot say that i was in the condition to be able to consent

to anything.

i was on the floor. i couldn't move.

you were fine to walk away from me

and act sober when anyone asked.

you cannot say that this is in the least bit fair

on me. on my mother.

on my real friends.

they were so worried and it chokes me up just to think about

what they all must have been going through

when i was gone.

i was so stupid.

yeah i'm angry at you.

i'm angry at the rest for leaving me.

i'm angry at everyone there, except one,

who banded together and lied and made up a story

so you wouldn't get in trouble

not caring what happened to me.

but most of all i'm angry at myself

for letting me do that to myself.

i always told myself i'd never be that stupid.

i'd never put myself into a situation like that

but i did

and it makes me feel sick.

i'm a mess

i typed it out, 

i don't want to say it anymore.

i deleted it.

i feel sick,

i hate this.

i love my friends.