you've got a nerve giving me the cold shoulder,

giving me the twice over when it's not deserved.

and we'll talk again when you're sober,

you said that i've gone cold and our heat is gone.

i wanna be your eyes so you can't see what you've done.

i wanna be yours ears so you can't hear everything that's been missing.

wow.

my last post was nearly six months ago.

that is weird.

why haven't i been blogging?

i really have no idea.

i just read over every single post i ever wrote, and it's so odd.

some things made me laugh and some made me sad.

it's strange to think that the people i've gushed about so many times i've completely gotten over, i can see them in the street, smile and wave and it's just another thing that happened in my day.

most of them anyway.

there was one post and i recognised almost straight away who it was about, it made me smile :) 

the people i'd ranted on about, i've never been closer to.

how times have changed.

yet here i am sat, putting of chemistry work, just like i was the day i first started this blog.

woah :)

i've done so much in the past six months;

moved house, made friends, lost friends, started going running, stopped going running, lost weight, put on weight, started drinking coffee, dyed my hair, bought new clothes, lost friends, met amazing people who have changed my life, grown up abit, changed my opinion on the world..

and i feel asthough i've missed out on your lives too, really. i haven't read your blogs in ages.

how the hell have you been?! 

♥

sundays mean

getting up late. wearing over sized cardigans and pyjama shorts all day. pretty music. art. watching dvds. eating noodle soup. dreading monday. no makeup. thinking about last night. being tired. drinking lots of water. reading kerrang. scruffy ponytails. charging the ipod. looking at pictures of the weekend. planning next week. facebook. playing useless games on the internet. singing loudly. dancing around my room. not do homework. not being bothered. being lazy. procrastination.

things to do today

- finish makeup and hair.

- catch the bus with megan.

- go to primark and get that bag.

- see if there's a grey cardigan in the men's section and if there is, buy it.

- buy Grey Britain FINALLY

- find my friends.

- go to gig.

-not die.

i actually have failed the internet lately.

i do apologise.

i have just had

an amazing weekend.

and as i haven't blogged in a long long time, i feel it is appropriate that i write about it.

on friday night i worked, and got payed. that was good times. had an early night because i was up at seven on saturday morning. then i caught a bus with jamie into town and we met meg, cole and sian and then got the train to exeter. lucie missed it but her mum was going there anyway so she got a lift. in exeter we met more people. the weather was pretty shit and i was wearing a dress, so. but it was pretty hot for some of the day. then we got the train and got back into town around eight and me, sian, cole and jamie bought cider and drank it, and me and cole being lightweights were drunk of 1/4 of a litre. was a pretty funny night :)

next morning i got the train into town again because the new skate park was opening and the vans skate team and everyone was going to be there, so we went along. it was a really hot day so we were loving life. then cal and lucie had to go and get a train so we left the park and went to the green. jamie had with him a bottle of jd and twelve cans of coke, the majority of which he drank by himself. i didn't drink much cos i realised how easily i got drunk. it was a nice evening up until jamie rolled over onto his stomach and was sick all down himself. the rest of us were all sober, and we had to get jamie down the hill and home. we couldn't. 

in the end he called someone to come pick him up and we all went for our bus. 

it was really scary seeing him like that, he looked so vulnerable and it's like, he one of the biggest guys i know. 

BUT it was a good weekend. 

now i have alot of art coursework to do, but i really cbaaaaaaaaaa.

i have to draw a baby holding a phone with a lobster in my head for my initial ideas, my art teachers suggestion.

it's sunny again.

rewind.

Is there a song that every time you listen to it you rewind and listen to the same bit over and over again?

Or is that just me?

At the moment the songs are;

All Alone - Gorillaz. 

'Bounce, wiggle, bounce, wiggle, shakin' all them brains out,

chemical cutthroat, 'bout to blow their brains out.'

and, Antwerpen - Enter Shikari.

'It appears the foundations of all our great nations

are lies and indoctrinations.

So if Silvius Brabo collects the hands of giants

will you join him?'

I probably listened to that bit about fifty times in bed last night, ahha.

I'm getting really lazy at blogging.

I promise I'll do it more when I go back to school.

Which is tomorrow :/

Not looking forward to it.

I got my hair cut yesterday, good times. My fringe was getting silly, needed a good ole trim, so there we go.

Uh, i love my new job. It's at a chinese take-away, which is actually just opposite the indian restaurant where I used to work, so they're just stood in the window all night like D:::::: TRAITOR. But they employed like four new people after I quit, so this must mean I'm a massive loss, right? Three girls and one grown man just to make up for me leaving? I'm going to win at life for sure ;)

My job's basically to sit behind a counter watching television (tonight I watched You've Been Framed and it made me smile) and occasionally answer the phone or take an order. I get paid more aswell and they literally force me to take home food, so it's all good really :)

I'm only being trained at the moment because I have to learn all the abbreviations and prices and such, so I'm working with this other girl most nights, and she's really nice, which is a plus. My bosses are nice. So yeah, happy times.

Uh, I love school holidays so much. I've been waiting for this four eight weeks? Christ, I missed sleeping all day. Too bad I can't do anything Sunday or Monday, silly bank holidays. 

I've had a nice week so far actually, I spent monday with my best friend's boyfriend's friends, which I thought was going to be really awkward as I hardly knew them and had only met one of them once, and the other twice, but it was actually alright, and a pretty funny day :)

I don't really know what else to say, I've been pretty boring with posts lately, NO INSPIRATION GOD DAMN IT D:<,

Except, I love you. Oh and you of course.

And you, but don't tell anyone, alright?

Have a nice Easter :)

i love

chiptune.

savvy?

hullo.

i just realised i haven't written anything in over 9000 years. i haven't dailyboothed for a few weeks either. i'm disappointed in myself. 

i''m supposed to be writing an essay on The Crucible right now, which i haven't even got half way through yet. and it's in for tomorrow. but i'm putting it off.

i only have 45 minutes til i have to go get ready for work, not much point is there? oh, new job by the way, i'll write about it later though as i cba.

oh, but i love planning ahead. 

what i'm wearing anyway. ;)

this, i'm sure, wont be interesting but it's something to do instead of essaying..

just a heads up ;)

tonight (work); h&m skirt. black tights. DINOmite shirt. grey leopard print cardigan. topshop shoes.

tomorrow (only half day so town and cinema); h&m skirt. tooty fruity bbycks we are the club kids shirt. navy h&m cardigan. topshop shoes. black tights.

saturday (walking to the beach with a picnic and spending the day there); dolly shoes of some kind. leggings. new look skirt. purple vest. green cardigan.

monday (exeter.); black tights. topshop shoes. camo skirt. grey vest. blue and white cardigan.

i also decided on a list of things i want out of the grindstore catalogue (the one that comes with Kerrang! which i don't usually buy, as most of my money goes into h&m and topshop apparently...

but ymas were on the front cover and i like josh and max's faces so i had to buy it)

let's list, yaaaaaaaay.

dot heart hoodie (reminds me of henry homesweet)

miami ink pink swallow tee

neon green wayfarers

white swallow necklaces

bleeding love necklace

bourbon biscuit necklace (nom nom nom)

swallow necklace (apparently i like swallows?)

barbie compact mirror

burial twist back tank by iron fist

we are 138 tee by iron fist

pony hoax platforms (not that i can walk in heels, but they are booooooooom.)

famous lucks chance tee

rock steady geisha love tee

rock steady sweet pea stripe top

paint the stars super fun time unicorn tee

and a kings of leon poster.

so yeah, if anyones feeling generous at all...?

gahhh, now it's five and i start work at six.

no way ima be able to do this essay nowwwwwwwwwwwww ;)

my computers being a fucking dick aswell.

'..and it can be unsettling to hear yourself describe as you have thought of yourself in your most honest and  abject moods, just as it is humbling to hear what you have thought about in your most hopeful and unrealistic moments.'

first impression

So bored.

Here are the first line from 25 songs, tell me what songs they are :)

1 - I hope you hang yourself with your h&m scarf, whilst jacking off listening to Mozart.

2 - C-C-C-Cinamon lips and candy kissed on my tongue.

3 - I'm sipping coffee at a quarter to two.

4 - Can't get the stink out, it's been hanging round for days.

5 - I've got a bad feeling that I went and got dirt on your knees.

6 - Glamorous indie rock and roll is what I want.

7 - I wont stand in your way.

8 - You got your popstar, I'll be your rockstar, when it's a suicide you call it superstar.

9 - Let it go, there's no way you can save it now.

10 - With a long range weapon or a suicide bomber.

11 - Face down, this is where it leads you, too far.

12 - Baby can't you see, I'm calling, a guy like you should wear a warning.

13 - Now there Mardy Bum, I've seen your frown and it's like looking down the barrel of a  gun.

14 - You've seen me last night, working the room, (?)

15 - I'm not loving you the way I wanted to.

16 - A green plastic can for a fake chinese rubber plant.

17 - I heard you're a stranger to playing funny games, I heard you got all the boys numbers and names.

18 - It's 2.45 the baby takes it's first breath, the mother never knew he only had a few left.

19 - I'm in love with the girl I hate, she enjoys pointing out every bad thing about me.

20 - Can't you see he's the man, let me hear you applaud, he is more than a man he's a shiny golden god.

21 - I said you can have whatever you like, I said you can have whatever you like, yeahh.

22 - Just incase they're wondering, they've got us {something} terribly.

23 -  Times are strange, we've got a free upgrade for snakes on a plan, fuck 'em I don't care.

24 - She said I'm Rosie, I said I thought you were Lucy, she said I'm Rosie I told you so.

25 - The first day I saw her was at the train station, she was half black, half caucasian.

:))))))

i fucked up

psyche, i'm kidding again you idiot, no i didn't,

that's just what you wanted to hear from me,

that i fucked up, ain't it?

 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

-

you don't give a shit about me, do you?

you don't care that i could have died that night.

that anything could of happened to me

but you just left me practically all on my own.

i was a state

you can't have thought i'd be able to look after myself.

i was in no condition to be given any kind of responsibility

let alone the responsibility

of finding my way home on my own.

i don't remember anything.

you could be taking advantage of that fact.

you took advantage of me

and the state i was in

you... i don't know the words to describe you

i feel sick just to think about it.

i hate you, i think.

i now realise that all of you

bar one, don't give a fuck about me

you just care about yourself

and saving yourself from getting into trouble

i don't think you even thought twice about me

you just walked away

left me lying there.

you're selfish.

i'm glad i have my real friends

the loyal ones who wouldn't have left me

they would have been there

they would have done the right thing

and called someone

like i'm glad that one person did

and now you have the nerve to call her a stupid bitch

for the fact that she called my mum? 

it all just boils back down to the fact 

that you're selfish and you only care about yourselves.

you wouldn't have cared what happened to me

as long as you were safe and sound and came across as the innocent ones.

you made up a lie.

a twisted, unbelievably tabgled web of, basically,

bull shit. just so you seemed the good guys,

so you were in the clear. i was the one who the blame should fall on

it was all my fault. you couldn't stop me.

but that's the thing that hurts the most.

you could have stopped me.

you could of, if you had cared, stopped me from doing

the stupid and just plain wrong things you tell me about doing

you're laughing at me, the next day, you're telling me what i did

and you're laughing

and i'm thinking,

what if it had been you? would you want this?

wouldn't you expect your so called friends to stop you

when you're about to do something so horrible

and so out of charector for me.

i'm upset just thinking about it.

and you.

i don't know what to say about you,

other than i think you're pathetic.

you were so wrong

and so out of order it's unreal.

you were taking advantage,

no matter what you say. 

you cannot say that i was in the condition to be able to consent

to anything.

i was on the floor. i couldn't move.

you were fine to walk away from me

and act sober when anyone asked.

you cannot say that this is in the least bit fair

on me. on my mother.

on my real friends.

they were so worried and it chokes me up just to think about

what they all must have been going through

when i was gone.

i was so stupid.

yeah i'm angry at you.

i'm angry at the rest for leaving me.

i'm angry at everyone there, except one,

who banded together and lied and made up a story

so you wouldn't get in trouble

not caring what happened to me.

but most of all i'm angry at myself

for letting me do that to myself.

i always told myself i'd never be that stupid.

i'd never put myself into a situation like that

but i did

and it makes me feel sick.

i'm a mess

i typed it out, 

i don't want to say it anymore.

i deleted it.

i feel sick,

i hate this.

i love my friends.

itunes

(blogger fixed itself, pheeeeeeew ;D)

Open your player and:

Total number of tracks: 699 (the rest of my music's on the other computer)

Sort by song title:
-First song: A - Cartel
-Last song: 9mm and a three piece suit - Catch 22

Sort by time:
-Shortest song: The Divide - Tenacious D (0:22)
-Longest song: No Sleep Mixtape - Party Shank (54:10)

Sort by album:
First song: Intro - Muse
-Last song: (A load of my songs don't have an album, so i'll just take the last song with an album) D.A.N.C.E. - Justice

Top 10 most played songs:
1. Low Cover - Brokencyde
2. Blue Steel - Brokencyde
3. Sugar Cube - Porcelain and The Tramps
4. Wasted - Cartel
5. Just Loose It - Eminem
6. My Leftovers - Porcelain and The Tramps
7. Trouble - NeverShoutNever!
8. I Love You - We Smoke Fags
9. Do it For Me Now - Angels & Airwaves
10. I Rape Myself - Caliban

First five songs that comes up on Party Shuffle:
1. Ass Like That - Eminem
2. Apocolypse Please - Muse
3. I Love You - We Smoke Fags
4. My Dad's Gone Crazy - Eminem
5. Street Spirit - Radiohead

Search ....
"sex", how many songs come up? 6
"love", how many songs come up? 16
"you", how many songs come up? 105
"death", how many songs come up? 5
"hate", how many songs come up? 14
"wish" how many songs come up? 0

err, excuse me

'Welcome to the Reading List. Here are all the updates from any blogs you follow and sites you've joined using Google FriendConnect.

• You are not currently following any blogs. Use the "add" button below to enter blogs you'd like to follow in your Reading List.'

i am actually. i'm following quite a few.

and i'd quite appreciate being able to read them please! :@

sail away with me

i like when people like what i do.

i appreciate every follower i have,

and i smile i everytime i get a new comment.

and i enjoy when people make youtube video's based on my blogs (:

when she does it like this will you do it like that?

when i chew my nails it means i'm worried.

when i suck my thumb it means i'm tired.

when i put my necklace in my mouth it means i'm bored.

when i put my fist over my mouth it means i'm feeling shy.

when i cross my arms in front of my tummy it means i feel fat.

when i put my hair behind my ears it means i'm concentrating.

when i chew the end of my pen it means i don't know what i'm doing.

when i tap my fingers on the table it means i'm impatient.

when i tap my feet it means i'm excited.

when i say i love you it means i love you.

when i hold your hand it means i don't want to let go.

when i am with you it means i'm happy.

i' rofled for over 9000 years!

Having a conversation about how fit certain celebrity males are. And he reckons he's straight ;)

He said he's shoot me if i print screened that, but pfft fuck it, he doesn't read this ;D

and LOW DISK SPACE? stfu, stupid pc.

SUPER KAWAIII

Love. Angel. Music. Baby. Hurry up and come and save me.

MUSIC (mu-sic) n. 1. The art of organizing sound. Vocal sounds having some degree of rhythm, melody and harmony. 2. A musical composition or body of such compositions. 3. The soundtrack of my life, feel it, shut up and listen, keep on dancing. (see also) life.

www.hlfragrance.com

So, it's 1pm on a Sunday. I haven't been up this early on a Sunday for such a long time, let alone be home from town already. I went shopping with my mum. We were in Boots and I showed her the Harajuku Lovers Fragrance stand. We were smelling all the testers for ages, and in the end she bought me Music and she got Love. The bottles are really cute! They have little dolls for the lids, the one I got has a doll with a sailor suit on. Then on the way home in the car, she was just telling me how when she used to live in Tokyo, she'd go every Sunday to the park in Harajuku and see all the people dressed up and listen to the music and go to the market and things. It sounds like so much fun. I'll have to go there one day.

I'm feeling  alot better today. Fuck it all tbh, I don't even give a shit any more :)